


For Sentimental Reasons

by jamesbbwinchester



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Dubcon Kissing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Happy Ending, Serious Injuries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:13:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25275232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jamesbbwinchester/pseuds/jamesbbwinchester
Summary: It had all happened very quickly, the mission had succeeded but not without loss. Bucky realizes he can't live without his girl.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Kudos: 34





	For Sentimental Reasons

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I apologize for any errors. Hopefully the translations to Russian aren't completely butchered. Let me know what you think! Enjoy :)

It had all happened very quickly. The bullet that pierced your chest. The click of the button on the detonator of the hundred something bombs your teammates had been placing. You were the bait, much to Bucky’s chagrin. Hydra didn’t know your face, the fluent Russian that you spoke making things all the easier. Your beauty consumed the men who had been working in the warehouse for months on end. The click of your heels, a small smirk, and a coy “Привет” had them eagerly gathering into the conference room for your small presentation. The cameras in the warehouse had been taken over by Natasha so they wouldn’t see any agents out while everyone was gathered together. There was nothing suspicious, this presentation and visit having been planned out for weeks. Hydra knew you were coming, and they welcomed you with open arms. The красивая женщина (beautiful woman) who was here to help train the warehouse workers in a special type of combat specifically designed for ambushes. You weren’t surprised when they took you up on the offer after saying that you would be happy to keep the boss company when you weren’t training. Little did he know there would be no time spent in his quarters, just his office for a few minutes before you would make your move. You heard over the tiny com unit in your ear, a special one developed by Tony, invisible to the naked eye and to sensors that the building was clear of agents, the bombs were placed, and to move on to the next stage of the mission. 

In order for this mission to work you had to go in alone. Bucky, Steve, and Natasha were waiting on the quinjet a few miles away, with more agents, prepared to move in if need be. The few agents that had accompanied you to the warehouse, placing bombs during your presentation, were posing as your personal security detail and additional trainers. The details were straightforward with no room for error. You knew what you were doing. You ended the presentation by telling the men how much you were looking forward to working with them. They were charmed and staggered out of their room and back to work. The man in charge of the warehouse put his hand on your back and led you to his office. You could feel a little nausea set in, uncomfortable with the fact that you were about to kiss another man while Bucky and the team watched through the feed of your small body cam. The man cleared off a space on his desk and promptly set you on it and started kissing your neck, the small growl from your boyfriend that came through the com unit didn’t go unnoticed by you, but you’d make it up to him. You gave the man kissing your neck a little shove back and then grabbed him by the collar and kissed him as enthusiastically as you could. 

“Такая нетерпеливая принцесса” (So eager princess) the man said against your lips. You could feel the bile rise in your throat. Only one man could call you that and it was definitely not this creep. You draped your arms around his neck, it’s now or never. You kick his knees out from under him and put him in a chokehold. Moaning loudly so that any passersby don’t think to investigate. He quickly falls unconscious and you set him on the small couch, then immediately get to work plugging in the flash drive. Natasha had hacked the computer remotely and you thanked her quietly over the com and started to search for anything important in the room. The small file cabinet was locked which you picked quickly, and you started looking through. The upload to the flash drive completed and you quickly stuffed in back in your dress pocket. As you went to close the cabinet, so nothing looked suspicious a name caught your eye The Winter Soldier. You quickly grabbed the file and stuffed it into your messenger bag suddenly glad you had thought to bring it for the disguise. A quick smudge of your makeup and toss of your hair to make you look freshly laid and then you were out the door. You were almost there. Your plan had worked. All you had to do was get out of the building and into the van with your agents and press the button. As you headed down the stairs a worker stopped you, 

“Уезжаешь так скоро?” (leaving so soon?) you stopped and smiled staying calm.

“Ах да. Ваш босс быстро заканчивает. Мне нужно забрать свою одежду из фургона. Я хочу начать тренироваться через 30 минут.” (Ah yes. Your boss finishes quickly. I have to get my clothes out of the van. I want to start training in 30 minutes) The man smiled and nodded, he walked off and you continued walking. Suddenly out of the coms you hear Natasha, 

“AGENTS DOWN! Y/N GET OUT OF THERE.” You picked up the pace. The door was right there, you walked right through it, your hand went into your bag and you grabbed the remote detonator. 

“Как вы думаете, где вы собираетесь принцесса?” (Where do you think you’re going Princess?) He woke up faster than you had anticipated. You rounded the corner the van was destroyed, and the agents were dead. Fuck. You broke into a dead sprint and you could hear him coming after you. The gunshot sounded and immediately you curved back to the building. You just had to get him close enough. 

“Y/N WHAT ARE YOU DOING” Bucky yelled over the com, you knew he was mad. 

“I’m finishing the mission Bucky. I love you.” you pulled the com out of your ear and stuffed it into your dress pocket. You turned your head around and the man was gaining on you. You knew what had to be done. Just a little farther. Everything happened in a matter of seconds. You saw the quinjet coming. You felt the bullet pierce you; Bucky was right, you should have tried to get a vest. You dropped to your knees and hit the button. It was loud and hot. You felt the shrapnel, like a million little needles. You could smell the burning of flesh, but you couldn’t tell if it was yours. Then you heard gunshots, and a drop to the ground. Natasha must have finished the guy off. You were gasping for breath, trying to get something, anything. Bucky came into your view above you. The look of horror on your super-soldier/ex assassin clued you in on how bad you looked. 

“I’ve got you you’re gonna be alright. I’ve got you baby.” You could feel your eyes starting to close and the pain taking over. “Hey no, stay with me doll. I’ve got you.” You barely registered the change in scenery from the fiery sky to the inside of the medical chamber on the quinjet before the darkness took over.

Third Person POV

Bucky looked at his girl, unconscious in the medical pod, blood everywhere, only being held together by this piece of machinery Tony had in each of the quinjets. Steve sat down next to him, he didn’t want some positive speech about how his girl is strong and she’ll pull through. He was pleasantly surprised when Steve just sat and grabbed his hand. He looked up with tears in his eyes and was met with tears in Steve’s. Time seemed to move agonizingly slow on the way back to the compound. Dr. Cho and Banner, we’re updated via Friday’s scans from the pod and were quickly preparing for their arrival. The rest of the Avengers were notified and those on the compound were there waiting. Y/N was more than just an agent, more than Bucky’s girl. She was family, the girl who would wake up and make enough pancakes to feed every one of the Avengers 4 times. The girl who would crack jokes, fart, and then say, “be proud of your smells people”, watch baseball and drink beers and then in an hour be dressed and ready for a gala. She was the light that everyone needed in the compound. It was almost unfortunate that she was a hell of an agent. They needed her for the dark stuff. She was able to beat half the avengers in a sparring fight and she made it look easy. She spoke multiple languages, she could hack, and she could act. She was incredible and they all knew it. It was just difficult to let the light go into the dark. Friday came over the speaker letting the important people in the compound know that the quinjet would be arriving in 5 minutes. Things moved quickly then, Dr. Cho and Dr. Banner grabbing things and heading out to the landing area. Tony and Pepper followed them with others trailing behind them. The quinjet landed and the tear streaked faces of Bucky, Steve, and Natasha appeared and the quickly wheeled the medical pod down to the two awaiting doctors who immediately took off running back to the medical bay with it. Bucky dropped to his knees and gasped a huge breath and Steve wrapped his arms around him in a tight hug. Peter felt a tear drip down his face, he had grown attached to Y/N. 

“Mr. Stark? Is she gonna be okay?” He looked over at Tony and Pepper. 

“I don’t know kid, all we can do is wait” Tony said, his voice thick with emotion. A teary eyed Pepper put her arm around Peters shoulders and guided him inside to wait with everyone else. Tony looked back and Steve and Bucky they were still on the ground and Natasha had sat down next to them. “Let’s get you guys cleaned up and get an update from Banner.” He grabbed Nat’s hand and pulled her up and Steve did the same for Bucky. They walked inside quietly and changed their clothes in the bathroom near the med bay. Bucky walked out into the room and saw all the people waiting, he felt his heart swell a bit. His girl was so well loved. He turned and looked through the wall of windows into the med bay and saw them about to open the pod to transfer her to the table. He felt Steve come up behind him and he held his breath as they got her onto the table and hooked her up. Lights started blinking and a nurse hopped up on the bed and started doing compressions. He felt sick. He wanted to move, to help, scream, hit something, but he was frozen. They shocked her and he watched as her body jolted. Things evened out and he could see Banner take a breath. They started in on the procedures and he couldn’t bring himself to watch as they sliced open his girlfriend’s chest. The shutters on the windows shut and he panicked.

“Hey, they’ll update us when they know something, they just want to give her some privacy. You’re okay.” Natasha put her hand on his shoulder and led him to one of the comfortable chairs in the large room. People started to trickle in and out after hour two, going and getting food, taking a break from the pain in the waiting room. No one went to bed though. Everyone came back and by 11 pm most were asleep in the chairs. Natasha had filled out a report and then the other agents had done the rest of the work. Tony let Bucky and Steve off for this one seeing as it was Bucky’s girlfriend and Steve’s best friend in there on the operating table. At around midnight Tony had flown another surgeon friend of his around midnight to help. A nurse came out and updated them every hour, but it never calmed anyone’s nerves. Bucky and Steve hadn’t moved. Wanda went and made them dinner but neither of them had much of an appetite. At precisely 3 am, after 8 hours in surgery, the nurse came out and everyone held their breath. 

“They’re finishing up, one of the doctors will be out shortly to explain everything.” She walked back in and a collective breath was let out in the room. 

“She didn’t say whether Y/N was alive.” Bucky murmured. Steve looked over at him and Bucky looked up. “Stevie how do we know she’s alive” his breathing picked up and Steve noticed immediately moving and grabbing Bucky’s hand. 

“Hey. Look at me. She’s alive. They wouldn’t have spent 8 hours in there if she weren’t. We’ve lost too much; we aren’t going to lose her. I won’t allow it.” Steve was starting to tear up when the door opened, and he and Bucky stood up. A very tired Dr. Cho and Dr. Banner walked out. 

“She made it through.” Bucky let out a breath and immediately hugged Steve. “She’s got a long road ahead of her. We aren’t sure if she’ll wake up and if she does there might be some brain damage but medically, she is alive.” Dr. Cho gave it to them straight knowing not to sugar coat it for the men and women in the room. 

“We’re going to open the shutters, she’s got a lot of tubes, it’s a lot to look at. Prepare yourselves. Bucky you can come in and see her, there is a chair next to her bed. Everyone else can visit tomorrow, you all need sleep. Friday will update you if there are any changes.” Bruce led the way for Bucky and the shutters opened as they stepped through the door. He heard a gasp which he then realized was his own, and the tears started flowing freely. He could hear the soft cries from the waiting room as their friends saw her laying there. It was amazing what could make trained soldiers break. 

“Can I touch her?” Bucky looked up at Bruce as he sat down in the chair at her bedside. 

“Yes just be careful of the tubes. There will be nurses in and out to check on her and either Dr. Cho or I will be in every couple hours.” Bucky nodded and grabbed her hand carefully as Dr. Banner started to walk out.

“Bruce.” Bucky looked up at him and he stopped. “Thank you. For saving my girl” Bruce nodded and left. Bucky heard the people in the waiting room trickle out after a while and he adjusted himself in the small chair. He started to doze off the exhaustion from all the emotions and the mission setting in. 

When he awoke the first thing he noticed was the pain in his back, he felt as though he had been sleeping on a concrete floor for days. He opened his eyes and noticed the Steve was in a chair on the other side of the bed and his girl was there, still asleep, with a tube breathing for her. 

The days seemed to blend together, he was almost always there, but in a new recliner that Tony had gotten after noticing that the man rarely left his girlfriend’s bedside. Bucky only left to shower and grab things from their apartment to put around the room. He had come bag with a bag full of things, her favorite blanket, some books, his phone charger, and the stuffed elephant that he had won her at the carnival they had gone to. Peter would come in and sit and talk to her about his days at school, Dr. Banner said that talking to her and playing familiar music might help her awake from the coma she was in. Bucky would play music from the 40’s. It calmed him down, and he knew that if she could hear it, she enjoyed it. It made him think back to the days in their apartment in the compound where he taught her how to dance and they would dance and laugh for hours on end, only stopping when one of them would get hungry. Those memories made him smile and relieved some of his sorrows but also brought him more. He couldn’t help but wonder if they would ever get to have another moment like that, or if she would even wake up. Wanda brought him dinner every day when she wasn’t on a mission. She would sit while he ate and hold Y/N’s hand. Sometimes she would bring the novel she was working on and read out loud. Both the girls had always shared a love of reading and Bucky would often find them curled up on the couches in the compound library reading and enjoying the others company. Wanda and Steve were Y/n’s best friends, they would often sit in the room with Bucky just waiting for any sign that she would wake up. 

After 3 weeks, Bucky started to give up hope. Dr. Cho said that the brain scans they took seemed normal and they didn’t know why this was happening. Sometimes people just, don’t wake up. The team had gotten back from a mission earlier in the day, coming in and out to see Bucky and Y/N. Most of them had taken to spending free time hanging out in the waiting room, looking through the window in between turns of a card game or during the latest episode of whatever Peter had convinced them to binge watch on Netflix. Bucky could hear them talking and laughing but he never joined, he stared at the wall or at the floor and sometimes he would feel the tears start slipping. Like now, he didn’t even wipe it away. They came quickly and he heard Natasha point it out to Steve who got up immediately.

“Buck?” Steve slowly stepped in the doorway, and Bucky broke. Heaving sobs racked his body, having been building up for weeks. 

“She’s. She’s” Bucky couldn’t speak. Steve’s eyes immediately looked to the monitor. She was still alive. 

“Buck she’s still alive. Hey look, she still alive.” He kneeled down in front of Bucky who was hunched over with his head in his hands. The waiting room went silent watching the scene unfold in front of them, never having seen the ex-assassin this emotional and vulnerable. It pulled at everyone’s heart strings. After Bucky managed to calm down, he looked at Steve.

“Stevie, I don’t think she’s gonna wake up. It’s been weeks. She should be awake. What am I supposed to do? I can’t. I can’t live without her Steve. I can’t. I won’t.” He was starting to hyperventilate again. Steve didn’t know what to say to help his best friend of many years because even he was starting to doubt that Y/N would wake up. He grabbed Bucky’s hands and held them in his. 

“Hey. No matter what happens, we’ll get through this together okay? Till the end of the line remember?” Steve felt a tear roll down his cheek, Bucky nodded. 

“Till the end of the line.” He took a deep breath and looked over at the love of his life laying motionless in the bed. “I don’t know what to do. We never talked about what the plan was if this ever happened. I know that I’m her decision maker, but she never said what she wanted.”

“What do you think she would want?” Steve asked, he wasn’t sure either. 

“I don’t think she would want this. She wouldn’t want to live the rest of her life out on machines. I know what I have to do, but I don’t know if I have the strength to do it.” 

“Did you, did you just quote Star Wars?” Steve tried to hold back a laugh. 

“Hah, yeah. I guess I did. She would be proud of me.” Bucky laughed lightly. 

“That girl and her love of Star Wars rubbed off on all of us.” Steve smiled remembering the movie marathon she had put together for everyone followed by lightsaber duels between teammates. “When you’re ready, we are all here.” Bucky nodded. 

“Can you go tell everyone? I want them to be able to say their goodbyes.” Bucky looked out through the window to the room of his friends all somber and waiting to hear what was going on. Steve nodded and got up, walking out. Bucky turned to the bed grabbing Y/N’s hand. 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I couldn’t save you. I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you from all the bad in the world. I love you. More than anything I have ever loved before.” The door opened and Peter ran into the room. 

“NO. You can’t. You can’t give up on her. You can’t.” he was crying, and Tony rushed in after him. “Mr. Stark tell him he can’t do it.” Tony just pulled him into a hug, Bucky was surprised, he had never seen Tony this affectionate towards anyone. Bucky let Peter cry it out, he knew they were close and that this would be very difficult on the boy. 

“Mr. Barnes. Please, just give her two more days. Please.” Peter looked at Bucky with red teary eyes. Two more days wouldn’t hurt. Bucky nodded. “Thank you! Mr. Barnes oh thank you.” Peter gave him a hug which Bucky accepted. He had grown fond of the boy, he thought of him like a nephew. He would help him with his history homework and Y/N would help him with his English papers. They would make dinner and Peter would teach Bucky the latest video game. He watched as Peter walked to her bedside and grabbed her hand.  
“Okay I bought you two days; you have to wake up. You promised you would teach me how to drive. I don’t want Aunt May to, she’s really bad. Please. Please, please wake up.” He let go of her hand and looked up at Tony who quickly wiped away a tear. 

“C’mon kid, other people need a turn.” He guided Peter out. Bucky sat back down in the chair and watched as their friends came in and said their goodbyes. 

The next day Wanda and Steve came in the morning, they brought Bucky’s record player from the apartment.  
“Wanted her to hear it like it should be played, one last time.” Steve said to Bucky who teared up. Steve set it up and soon the sounds of (I Love You) For Sentimental Reasons poured through the room. Bucky felt his eyes well up as he squeezed his girl’s hand and listened to the lyrics. He closed his eyes and thought back to when Steve made the DJ play this at one of the fancy parties Tony threw. He had grabbed Y/N’s hand and led her to the dance floor. They danced slowly and it was as if there weren’t 100 other people in the massive room. He told her he loved her as he swayed with her in his arms. He never thought he would love again, didn’t feel as though he deserved it. She made him feel loved and worthy. He didn’t want anything or anyone else. He was pulled out of his thoughts by a small squeeze to his hand. He opened his eyes and tears fell. He was imagining things. His brain was trying to be hopeful. He closed them again and again felt a squeeze and he heard Wanda gasp. His eyes shot open and he looked at her face. Her eyes were open. Steve quickly left the room to get the doctor. She started fighting her tube and choking. She was awake. 

2nd POV  
You knew it was a dream but had no idea how to wake up from it. Maybe it was heaven, you were on a beach after all and even though no one was around you heard the voices of your friends come through the sky like a stereo. 

“Wanted her to hear it like it should be played, one last time.” you heard Steve say. One last time? You heard a sniffle, it belonged to Bucky you knew it. You looked down at your empty hand, why did it feel like someone was holding it? All of the sudden you heard the needle get set down on the record and the beginning lines of yours and Bucky’s song play. Something was wrong. You felt someone squeeze your hand. No. Your brain started racing thinking back to everything that you had been hearing for days, weeks. You thought they were dreams. What was happening. You could hear crying. It was Bucky. Why was your Bucky crying? You looked to your left and saw Bucky on the beach. You got up and ran towards him. He held out his hand for you and you grabbed it and squeezed it. Nothing happened, you could feel the frustration and fear bubble up inside you and you closed your eyes and grabbed his hand. You squeezed and opened your eyes to look at him, but he wasn’t there, you were looking at a ceiling. You heard a gasp and then someone leaving quickly. That’s when the uncomfortable scratching of the tube in your throat made you start gagging. Bucky came into your view and you felt tears escape as you realized where you were and what was happening. 

“I’ve got you, you’re gonna be alright. I’ve got you baby.” He was crying too. Those words, he said those to you when he carried you during the mission. The mission. The memories came flooding back. The emotions you were feeling were so intense and you felt around for his hand. Dr. Cho came into view and all of the sudden the uncomfortable feeling in your mouth left and you gasped in breaths. Everything after that was kind of blurry. So much happening, but all you could focus on was the weight of his hand in yours.  
After what seemed like days of waiting you finally got the okay to go back to your apartment with Bucky. Stuffed elephant in had he wheeled you out into the waiting area where the faces of your friends were lit up. The light was back in the compound. 

You found your new favorite thing was to hold Bucky’s hand. The weight grounding you. You were alive and you had your person by your side. Nothing, not even the file on the Winter Soldier that still sat in your messenger bag on the quinjet, mattered. All you needed was Bucky.


End file.
